As the judge began to make his ruling, two women clutched each other’s hands tightly.
It was not a standard scene in the family court. The women, a lesbian couple who
have been together for 19 years, were there to hear whether the father of their two children, conceived by artificial insemination, would be awarded custody for the
first time after a bitter legal battle.
The couple claimed in court that the man, himself in a long-term gay relationship, reneged on a promise to have limited involvement in the upbringing of the children.
They say he became controlling and domineering and bribed the children to
visit him with the promise of expensive gifts and pets.
In contrast, the man wept in court as he told the judge that he simply wanted to see his children more often.
He claims that he made clear his intention to be part of their day-to-day care from the outset.
Ultimately, the judge found in his favour and ruled that he should have custody of the children for 152 days a year.
This week, the Appeal Court upheld that decision and urged both parties to put aside their differences for the sake of their young children.
None of those involved can be identified for legal reasons, to protect the children, now aged ten and seven.
It was a highly unusual case that began a decade earlier when Sarah and Jenny answered an advert in Gay Times in which the man, Robert, a wealthy businessman, explained that he wanted to be a father but required minimal involvement in the child’s upbringing.
Thus, the two parties came together in a thoroughly modern and controversial
way to do what neither could alone, outside the regulatory framework
of a fertility clinic.
Now, Sarah and Jenny have broken their public silence to tell The Mail on Sunday about their devastation at the court’s decision.
The couple claim Robert became increasingly demanding while Sarah was pregnant with their son, which raised alarm bells. What has happened since proves that they were right to be concerned.
However, what cannot be explained is that, despite their worries, they agreed to have a second child with Robert. Indeed, they accept they have been astonishingly naive.
Sarah said: ‘I was holding Jenny’s hand when the ruling was passed and whispered to her, “We’ve lost the children”.
'Listening to that ruling was the worst thing I’ve ever had to do. There are no words to
describe that, and that fear is something every parent must be able to
relate to, regardless of how your family is made up.
‘I understand some people will see us as weirdos because we’re a same-sex couple with children, but that’s so far from the people we are. We’re a quiet and loving couple.
‘We love our children and knew we could provide a solid, caring environment for them.
‘I don’t regret what we did. I have to say that because I don’t regret the children, although we do regret the way we went about having them.
‘We would certainly advise others not to go down the same route and I’m sure an anonymous sperm donor would have been more sensible. We were horribly naive and did so many things just to keep the peace.’
Sarah, who works for a property letting business, and Jenny, a former bank worker, live with their children in an immaculate three-bedroom home in a seaside town.
Every spare wall and surface in their living room is filled with photographs of their
smiling children, including one taken at the couple’s civil partnership ceremony in March this year.
Sarah is the children’s biological mother. Jenny has never wanted to give birth.
The couple met through a mutual friend in 1991 when they were in their early 20s and have been together ever since.
While Jenny had experienced relationships with women before, Sarah found it more difficult to accept her sexuality.
‘I had always assumed I would meet a bloke, get married and have children – always,’ she said.
‘I thought this might be a phase I was going through and that I’d end up back on what I saw as my natural path. Jenny had a few friends who were gay but I didn’t know anyone.
‘But there was something incredibly strong keeping us together.’
Both eventually told their families, who, despite their initial shock, were supportive. In time, their thoughts turned to children.
They accept that their decision to introduce children into a same-sex partnership is controversial.
Sarah said: ‘Society’s view of us as a lesbian couple wanting children did worry us, of course.
‘What helped us is we had two close gay friends who had children. That opened my eyes and made us realise it was possible.’
Jenny added: ‘We did think about and discuss the prejudices the children could face at school. But it’s becoming more rare. You do worry about it but we have a good network of friends and family. It’s no big deal.’
‘His exact words were that he wanted to be a “rich uncle-type figure” and have contact once a month for a couple of hours. He also said he would like photos and updates. We thought we could live with that.'They also agreed that the children should have access to a father, should they want him. Neither could imagine using an anonymous sperm donor.
Jenny said: ‘I’ve got friends who are adopted and we wanted our children to have the opportunity – if they wanted it – to meet their father. We didn’t feel it was our place to make that decision for our children because our families are so important to us.
‘We had male friends we could have gone to, and one did offer. But that would have meant a third person was part of the package.
‘This was about me and Sarah bringing up our children.’
Read more on this story, follow the link: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1335760/Lesbian-court-case-couple-face-Christmas-Weve-lost-children.html#ixzz17NYsYxGp
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