Packing my bags for the 150-mile round trip to the sperm donation clinic in Manchester, my partner Suzanne, 32, always gets tetchy.
Pacing around, banging doors and giving me the silent treatment, she'll often demand that I bath and put Lewis, our 20- month-old son, to bed, probably hoping that by looking into his eyes I'll see the error of my ways.
Next morning the silences and door banging will continue, invariably followed by the plea: 'How do we know this won't come back to bite us?' or, 'What about Lewis?'
I've considered questions like these a lot since I started donating sperm five years ago, and my concerns have been highlighted by the recent film, The Kids Are All Right, in which Julianne Moore and Annette Bening play a lesbian couple who have children via a sperm donor.
One of the youngsters tracks him down, with unforeseen consequences for their relationship. But despite the obvious dilemmas, the feeling that I'm helping someone create a loving family drives me on.
The 2004 tsunami made me think about this. Watching the news and seeing how many people were killed, I suddenly felt insignificant, as though nothing I could do could ever make a difference.
Perhaps it was fate, but at the same time I saw another news item flash across the top of the screen, about how the laws surrounding anonymous sperm donation were changing. The story explained that from then on, children born to sperm donors would be allowed to contact their biological father if they wished.
This led to huge donor shortages and rising demand for fertility treatments.
It really struck a chord with me – that behind the faceless headlines, thousands of people were living lives that could easily be made better if people like me gave a tiny fraction of their time and did something. I read all I could about donating and booked an appointment at a clinic.
It didn't bother me that an 18-year-old might come knocking on my door to find me in the future. If anything, I'd be interested to know how they'd got on, but the choice would be entirely theirs.
But this is what upsets Suzanne. She wants to protect Lewis from any future problems.
She's worried that half-brothers and sisters will turn up demanding to be part of our family. I've talked with countless families who've been through similar situations unscathed, and I know from my research that if you tell your child as early as possible, they can handle it easily – and even like the idea.
Lewis is obviously still too young to talk to about this but, as with all my friends and family, I'm just going to be honest and open – and proud – about it, and tell him as soon as I think he's ready to understand.
When I first started donating, I was single and the chances of me being accepted as a donor were less than one in 20.
Apparently, 85 per cent of first-timers have sperm that cannot survive the freezing process, while others have sexually transmitted infections or genetic problems like cystic fibrosis.
But my sperm was successfully collected, and over the next few months I made several trips to the clinic, so what had originally been a whim turned into a pretty long-term commitment. I now go about once a month. It means a lot of time off work – I'm a railway signalman – but I don't begrudge it. Though I'm not paid to donate, I receive £15 in expenses.
By law I can help only ten families in total – that quota is higher in other countries – but I'd like to be help as many people as I can, so I'll keep going for as long as I'm allowed. I know there are now two children out there who I've helped to create.
But while I know the number and the sex, I have no legal right to any other details, just like I have no legal responsibility for them at any time in the future. Unless they choose to get my contact details when they're 18 and find me, that's all I'll ever know. You might expect me to look at children in the street and wonder if they are 'mine', but considering how many hundreds of people I see every day, that would be a silly waste of time and energy.
I'm not ruling out the possibility of ever meeting them, or my children ever meeting their halfbrothers and sisters, I'm just living in the real world and getting on with my life.
Lewis is around the same age as the stepchildren I've helped create. So when he first starts to read or ride a bike, say, thoughts of how those other children are doing will cross my mind – but only fleetingly.
There's also the absolutely tiny chance they could even become boyfriend and girlfriend when they're older, but the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority is setting up a new 'Donor Sibling Link' that will allow any donor-conceived children to find out more about their siblings when they're 18, on top of having access to my contact information. But that doesn't stop Suzanne worrying.
We met three years ago and at first she was fine about what I was doing. She had an eight-yearold son from a previous relationship and had even been for fertility treatment with her then partner, so she sympathised.
But when we had Lewis, she became protective and cautious about my donating sperm. We both know several men who've had vasectomies and deeply regret their decision, and they openly say what a great thing it is that I'm doing.
Then a lesbian friend heard me talking about donating a year or so ago, and for a while I was trying to help her conceive by donating my sperm to the clinic she was attending – but since then she's managed to conceive a baby naturally.
Friends who know Suzanne have an issue about my donating, asking how our relationship can withstand it, and my answer is that she and I both know I won't change – we simply can't let it be a deal-breaker.
When I arrive home from the clinic each time, thankfully Suzanne has usually calmed down and is glad to see me again – although we both know we'll only go through the same palaver a month or two later. But the knowledge that I'm doing something incredibly positive in my life means that I'll carry on doing it for as long as I can.
Mark donated though www.pureadam.com
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1324239/Ill-risk-family-start-others.html#ixzz149DNWDkp
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